PEOPLE SOMETIMES ASK ME WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE A FAMILY (FOR WHICH I COOK AND WITH WHOM I DEMAND TIME) AND ALSO WORK AS MUCH AS I DO. WHAT’S THAT LIKE? HERE IS AN ANSWER, TAKEN FROM MY JOURNAL OF LAST YEAR.

September 18, 2009
Lee Sankowich called about a weekend ago and asked if he thought I would be okay to go into first public performance for SLASHER on the 22nd of October [at the Zephyr Theater in L.A.] I checked dates and checked how long this play, (my play here in Georgia) had been in rehearsal and called back to say it would be okay. [ I WAS IN REHEARSAL FOR MY PLAY, MUSIC BY HARRIET SCHOCK, “MISSOURI WALTZ”.]
Then I realized that Celine is starting on a life. [SHE HAD BEEN ACCEPTED IN PHOTOGRAPHY AT ART CENTER OF PASADENA AND THIS WOULD BE HER FIRST SEMESTER] This is it. Her chance. Hope is something that looks so beautiful on her just as when she was the most beautiful little thing with a great lifting space around her.
Her voice now, the quality of the bounciness of it, her opening in her spirit to look forward to and not to renounce tomorrow -

I called Deborah Taylor [PRODUCER FOR THE ZEPHYR] that lovely miss and we talked about schedule for rehearsal and then I called Celine and between the three of us we seemed to work it out and I was relieved.
I would do the play, which I loved very much, and Celine would do most of our school work Saturday evenings and all day Sunday.

Then the word NO woke me up at 3:30 in the morning. I lay there, and with all assiduousness and rapt attention tried to honestly mock up the days - those days of her being at Art Center and my being in rehearsal and eventually, in performance. What would they be like? I remembered the way I am almost completely absorbed into the play when I do a play; how I re-memorize every single day so I am sure I will be okay for the evening’s performance every night. I thought of how, after opening, I would not be there any evening, or many of them. I thought of how I would be at rehearsal, earlier, when she came home from school at 3-4 in the afternoon. I remembered the way when my parents came to visit with me, I would have a feeling of subtle joy in my gut, I would sort of float with them there downstairs, talking. I knew I had to be at home for her, even if she doesn’t like my dinners, (which she often doesn’t) even if she wants to finish watching the TV show she’s got up instead of talking to me (which she often does), even if I can’t get her to take vitamins and she eschews some of my attempts to help; even then, I know that inside of her there will be that satisfaction that is so important -that sense of contentment – and she will feel it because we are both there and that she is cared for in a contiguous way.

So I turned it down.

YOUR FRIENDS KNOW YOU BETTER THAN YOU THINK!

Kristen Anacker came over to dress me for Christopher Munch’s movie last month. She brought with her a wool jacket with quite small squares of a mild green, somewhere between wintergreen and meadow green, very English looking. “I thought this was you,” she said. I looked up at her with astonishment, when I could pull my eyes away from this ideal garment. “How did you know? I asked. “How could you see me so well?” I love that people do this about and for each other.
Later that week, I talked to my briiiiiilllllllliant accompanist for my one woman show (now called “My Life For A Song”), Tracy Stark. She was asking about the tour that those last people for whom we did the show would like us to go on. “Well,” she said, “you’re not the touring type. You like to stay indoors and at home.” Now Tracy and I have only worked together. She lives in New York and I live in Sherman oaks, CA! “You are spot on,” I told her. “How could you know that?” She knows I love to perform and I can’t recall ever sharing recipes with her! “ I don’t know,” she said. “I just did.”

My daughter is now twenty-two and her birthday is on November 22. my husband’s birthday is on December 8th, so I decided for the first time this year to have one birthday party for them both!

It was a wonderful party, and the next morning I wandered the living room/ front room alone, totally elated (I just love the next day after big parties!) fingering through my daughter’s presents lying about - the earrings, the lip color pots, and so forth and I saw that my pal, Lisa Yesko had left a bag for not him and not her, but for MOI! Looking down I saw oh! My favorite tea, Darjeeling! My favorite brand, Ahmad! So I joyfully pulled out the box of tea. Oh oh. There was something underneath. It was a teapot, one of my favorite things to possess. It had flowers of the most exquisite delicate colouring. It was completely representational England. It was a garden in England in the late spring with morning light falling across pale roses. Well I took one look at this gift, and though I don’t like to admit it, I actually screamed!
I looked away, shut my eyes tight. Swiveled my head back so that my face once again was facing that perfection. I opened my eyes. IT WAS STILL THERE! I screamed again!
I called her. “How could you know?” I asked. "Well," she said about my being feminine and the colors and… “I don’t know. I just did know.”

WOW. Let’s all do this for one another- go with what we sense about our friends, trust that we know, from this day forth!